I want to take a magical trip, to somewhere like England. Stay with beautiful and amazing people. Meet more beautiful and amazing people. Drink tea and beer. Feel a connection toward a foreign city, feel connections to almost strangers. I fantasize, that I would fly there, stay with lovelies, and feel such a strong sense of home that I stay longer than planned. Call my parents and tell them I’m staying longer and that I love them. And carry on.
I fantasize that I will find a different place with different people where I feel I could belong. I crave this feeling: I am exactly where I should be and I don’t know how to get back to the apartment from here but I’m fine with that. I want to feel gushy things for people, and places I wouldn’t have the chance to on a normal day. I would other wise be home, in saint pete with my friends I’ve had for half of my life, in the house I’ve lived in for 14 years. I want to see unfamiliar things and learn unfamiliar people.
I feel such a strong need to connect to everything and everyone. But just not here. I’ve done here. I’m connected here. Now, I want to leave. When I miss the smell of salt and the weight of the air I will come home.